Jul 24 2008
Love marriage Vs Arranged marriage!
If you’re new here, and interested in the latest news and insights on news from India and world, you may want to subscribe to our RSS feed. Thanks for visiting I News India.
Which one is better - Love marriage or arranged? The issue is debatable all over the globe especially in eastern countries where arrange marriage is a tradition. As you read this question which option strikes in your mind first and why?
Education and media played a vital role in changing the perception of the Indian mind. Love marriage is supposed to provide freedom and more independence as compared to arranged marriages where the girl/boy is chosen by the parents. The usual question of love marriage voters against arranged one is that how can anyone marry the person whom they don’t know?
Amid popular love lore like Soni Mahiwal, India always had a long tradition of arranged marriages. With the advent of the British and the subsequent introduction of British education system more Indians got educated. Education and exposure to the media, started to make people to think and realize they need not be bound by tradition and they can choose their own marital partners without having to rely on parents, matchmakers, relatives or having to consult astrologers. This gave rise to love marriages. Currently in our country we have arranged as well as love marriages taking place.
If we start comparing love and arranged marriages we will see that both has certain pros and cons. If we talk about the love marriages first, it provides time for a mutual understanding between the partners which is needed for any successful relation. Knowing somebody before marriage allows partners to have better respect and understanding for each other’s needs and desires. This way they are better adjusted in the marriage when they finally take their wedding vows. In arrange marriages, there is a pressure to conform to parental expectations like producing a male heir, taking part in family rituals and traditions, putting up with sisters-in-laws, contributing to family expenses etc. Lovers have to try hard if their parents don’t agree with the relation. That is why it is said that Love is not an easy way out!
As the partners are happy with their spouse and its their own decision to marry him/her, love marriages should be successful but not all love marriages have happy endings. Sometimes discord arises even in love marriages. After spending a happy time of marriage, the same couple can be seen regretting on their decisions. They found hard to save the marriage and at last have to break up. If they them self chosen their partner and had a perfect tuning then why this unhappy end of the relation after marriage?
Perhaps to avoid this kind of ending, now-a-days youngsters prefer arranged marriages. It is thought that arranged marriages happen only in the east but this was not always so arranged marriages were happening even in Victorian Europe. The best part in an arranged marriage is that parents and the family is happy and they them self arrange the marriage. There is no tears and no battle for their permission. Arrange marriage offer more protection and security to the women. There is not much pressure on the women to look like models. Parents employ maturity and wise judgment when choosing suitable spouses for their children.
Caste system gave birth to arrange marriages, as the upper caste families didn’t want their children to marry outside their community and caste. In some case, by love marriage people lost all things like parents, society and religion. But after World War II and industrial revolution people’s perception started changing and they became familiar with the concept of love marriages. Slowly but steadily, love marriages are acceptable in Indian society also.
To decide which one is ideal is an unending debate. Love or arranged both is based on empathy, responsibility, commitment, love and concern. A marriage needs a lot of dedication and effort to sustain the relation.
So there is nothing like an ideal marriage it’s all about the way you perceive your marriage. The target is the happiness and stability of the relation in the marriage whether it is love or arranged.
20 responses so far
Arranged marriage is best and also love marriage is better when arrange after love with agree with two family.
I think arrange marriage is better because in arranged marrige our parents & our family live with us, we can share our problums to our parents.
whether it is love or arrange marriage, the main thing is that, one should have responsibility,commitment,love and concern towards the relation.
arranged is better
I personally feel love marriage is better in the sense that it gives you a sense of comfort that u r with a guy about whom you at least know. n its not just knowing , but u r with a guy whom you love, like and have decided to stay with. But, when the family is not happy with the descision, then we should definitely forego our love. i mean when its a question of either choosing our family or our ‘love’, then we should definitely go with the family coz even if we know or we dont, its the family first. nothing can beat the love you have for your family. No third person can come in beteen u n ur family. At the moment if you dont feel so , then u just being driven away by your love. Even if u realize or u dont , thats’ the fact and hard truth !!!! You dont love anybody more than your mom , dad and siblings. Even if you have fallen in love with a guy/ girl, they are just next to family , never before them !! Plz realize . .
I belief love marriage is better because no one would makie a wrong decision about his/her life.
If you love someone, you shouldn’t dump them because your family doesn’t approve. Your family could be wrong in their assumptions or evaluations of the person you love. It could just be a personality conflict and nothing more. I’m not against arranged marriages. To each his own. But if you really love someone and you have a good relationship with that person, you should be able to have the experience of being with them without your family dictating how you should feel. I think it would be tragic for a woman to have to miss that or give it up because someone else tells them to. If your family really loves you, they wouldn’t expect you to do so. They’d want you to have happiness in that relationship.
i think arranged is better because you have support from your family
There is nothing right or wrong and both types of marriages aren’t comparable. I have seen both types of marriages breaking bitterly and then again some other being very successful. However this general belief that parents can be held responsible when something goes wrong in an arranged marriage is bullshit. When something goes wrong, well… it has already gone wrong. Apart from trying to get you together your parents can’t do much. And when you hold them responsible they’ll reply - “yes we are responsible”. Well what next? Who suffers?
i think arrange is better as it gives stability & support from family in any critical situation your life ….
I don’t mind arrange marriages but I’m an Indian that lived in white neighborhood, went to white schools, and went to jobs that are white owned. Therefore, I want to be arranged to a white woman. Nothing against Indian women, but my upbringing and identity is white.
But since a young age, I’m told to marry an Indian. Fine. Lets live in a area where it is predominantly Indian, Indian schools, and jobs/oppurtunities are Indian. But Indians don’t like other Indians due to caste, status, or circumstances. They want to live white but want their kids to marry Indians. Bull. I want full-tilt.
in my opnion love marriage is bettrer than arranged marrage because in love marriage people know to each other his/ her like or dislike
I personally believe Love marriage is better. I’m currently dating an Indian guy and I’m Asian, we been together for almost 3yrs. now. I have nothing against arrange marriage but bottom line we have the right to choose our life partners and our family should support us in any decision we make. And there is no one to blame but the two people in the relationship if things gone wrong.
I think arranged marriage is better because you can get lot of dowri from the girl’s family. Sometimes it is enough to start a business… The main reason lots of parents oppose love marriage is that they lose some tens of lakhs of money and kilograms of gold
I think love marriage is better, not that I have a problem with arranged, but I could not imagine marrying a stranger, I remember when I just started dating a guy and be want to get married after a month I thought this is too fast, I have been dating my guy for 3years and I feel ready and mature for marriage, but honestly this is an individual thing, I have heard of arrange marriage and love marriages not working out, I just think the family disowning part that some people experience is sad, it is never a reason to cut your son/daughter one out of your life over someone they fell in love with…
In my opinion, Love marriage is the best, i can say so bcoz, i m getting married to a Guy whom i dated for good 7 years. I know all the in & outs about him, which i believe to a certain extent is not quiet possible for one who will go for an arranged marriage. It is very important to know the person completely before u get married to him/her, as at times after marriage you come to a certain point where a lot of mutual understanding is required, and if in case its an arranged marriage then how can u even think to know everything about the girl/boy. and moreover u will never ever get a feeling of being or getting imposed to someone by your parents, which happens in arrange marriage.
Its quite surprising that our forum does not having a running discussion around the advantages and disadvantages of love vs arrange marriage. As a guide for future singles, please share you opinion on whether love marriage or arranged marriage is better for the long-term happiness of the couple.
From my part, I think arranged marriage is better because of the following.
a. In love marriage, you start with very high expectations that were set during courtship. After marriage as those expectations are not satisfied, your disappointment starts. In arranged marriage, you start with very low (or no) expectations from your spouse. You get pleasantly surprised by everything.
b. As parents and family helped made the marriage possible, they also feel a tacit responsibility to make the marriage work. So, they gloss over minor issues which on the other hand gets amplified in a love marriage.
Would love to hear the thoughts of others as well.
i think arrange is better
I think that love marriages r good….. n if we think about parents then arrange marriages r better. I just think that, if we think about our parents then that is not bad, but how long they r going to live with us, not more than 15 to 20 years of our marriage.
I also don’t want to hurt my parents but thinking some about personally it is really not good that spoil our life with a wrong life mate. because after them we have suffer for a very long time, really……..
And thinking of other side of this, why our parents don’t think that if our son/daughter is happy with some one then that is good fro there life??
[if someone wants to tell me something then reply me on my e-mail ID. My e-mail ID is brjnec.07@gmail.com]
because I really want some opinions from u my frnds….
I have seen lot of love marriages ended in separation within a couple of years due to a number of reasons. In Mumbai 3 out of 5 marriages ended in a short span. All are because of hasty decision on marriage without consulting elders. Our vedic tradition is getting strong in overseas countries, but we are adopting failed strategy of western culture. If one’s fate is to suffer in married life, no one can help. Deceiving parents and leaving aged parents in dust bin, no one will be happy in their love. Without parents blessings and support, no marriage will be successful. Time will teach everyone a good lesson.